Pre-Nup Finger Scanner

This is an old Blog I wrote but the conversation was brought up during dinner with friends a few nights ago, so I thought I would post it here, just to make people, laugh, think, argue or what have you.

Everyone I have talked to lately is in the process or has been divorced. It is a simply crazy situation: alimony, division of goods, who takes the dog, and custody. The list of items you have to review, agree, or disagree with is astounding. Seriously, no one goes into a relationship thinking that they are going to get a divorce, but lately it makes me wonder. What the heck happens if I ever get married? To pre-nup or not pre-nup that is the question.

Should you ever go into a marriage already planning for its demise? On the other hand, if you don’t plan ahead could you be taken to the cleaner by someone who transforms right before your eyes?

In a perfect world there would be the finger scanner. If you where thinking about getting married you would simply place the perspective individuals finger in the scanner and in seconds the future would be explained in three simple choices:

1. No problem. You can marry this one and you are guaranteed to grow old together.
2. This one is going to cause you trouble a few years down the road. Probably not a good idea to marry unless you are looking for a short term commitment.
3. This one is too crazy and exciting to know for sure. Again enter at your own risk.

See, this way you would know if you should marry this person, and if you need a pre-nup. The way I see it you could get the pre-nup if they are a 2 or 3 and just see how life takes you. No guarantees like #1 but you would at least know if the person is likely to take you to the cleaners. Say you wanted to know and your significant other did not want to do the finger test (you know those old traditional types) go ahead and put it on their finger while they are sleeping. Then you pop the question and they have no idea you screened them already.

The truth is, it is sad that we even have the desire to figure out if someone is crazy or not. But look at our society. We have created the internet which has allowed us to communicate with others in a strange and fake manner. We have various “profiles” for on-line dating resources,Facebook, Myspace, E-Harmony, etc., all of which can portray a very different person that who sits down across from you at the dinner table. I know a girl who is a completely different person than who she portrays on her Facebook page. On her page she is an eloquent and terribly poignant person, full of very “book smart” educated opinions. But in real life, let’s just say she is not as “perfect” as her profile presents.

Add to that a society that is self obsessed. The dating waters get murky. What happened to good old courtship? Sometimes I think guys are too afraid to be chivalrous due to the explosion of right wing Feminism. And then what happens to the women of the world who decided to break the glass ceiling and become successful in their own right? They still want to be courted.

The point is that dating and courtship suck. Add to that the ever presence of failing relationships all around and you can’t help but wonder if your relationship will break the mold or become a statistic. Nowadays you can’t help but worry. Is there any harm to putting a per-nup into a relationship if you have decided to get married?

I have heard many opinions on the pre-nup. The first being why get married if you need one? But there is this: I don’t want to marry you for your money and I would hope that you don’t want me for my money either. Marry me and spend the rest of your life with me as a partner, lover, friend, sex slave… (Kind of kidding). The thing is, if we are meant to be, then the pre-nup will never matter, and if for some odd reason we need to go down different roads later in life I would like to end it without any questions of who gets what. I will marry the “one” for me because of who he is period (.)

So bottom line: Marry the person you love because YOU LOVE THEM! Not what they are worth economically (If you are a gold-digger please re-read this and pay attention this time. Also, get a job yourself you lazy ass). Sign a pre-nup and laugh because you will never need it. Edit your “profile” to show who you really are, not who you wish you were in real life. And for those out there with special powers…invent the finger scanner for those who are less capable of filtering out the real from the unreal.